Very tiree
Sep. 22nd, 2020 08:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jesstrovert I had an extremely mentally taxing day today. Work was really rough, with a situation where I was embarrassed in front of all my colleagues on a phone call for not knowing something (that I never had the tools to learn about). The coworker called me later to discuss and she apologized but like, it happened and the apology was in an environment of just the two of us so.....yeah. Then the actual work I did after (a favor to the co-worker who called) was really mentally exhausting. Lots of formulas and asking questions only to be answered with frustration and attitude. I'm REALLY hard on myself, so to top it all off, I spent all day beating myself up over being stupid, and then feeling stupid for feeling stupid cuz I knew I shouldn't. Exhausting.
Then on top of it I communicated something that was bothering me to my boyfriend about some decisions he made recently, and it took him 2.5 hrs to respond. And then when I said I didn't have the mental energy to argue my point or give examples, it was over an hour and a half later till I messaged again saying goodnight, and point at the slowness/lack of response.
I've made myself sick from all the badness in my brain. I feel weak and my stomach is all messed up. I'll be going to bed early again. Stuff like this makes me just want to retreat to solitude and just keep existing day by day. I'm so tired.
Some of this may also be brought on by the fact I missed a few days of my birth control, so I might be going through the whole 3 months of mental roller coaster thing again. Or it could just be a few bad days.
Then on top of it I communicated something that was bothering me to my boyfriend about some decisions he made recently, and it took him 2.5 hrs to respond. And then when I said I didn't have the mental energy to argue my point or give examples, it was over an hour and a half later till I messaged again saying goodnight, and point at the slowness/lack of response.
I've made myself sick from all the badness in my brain. I feel weak and my stomach is all messed up. I'll be going to bed early again. Stuff like this makes me just want to retreat to solitude and just keep existing day by day. I'm so tired.
Some of this may also be brought on by the fact I missed a few days of my birth control, so I might be going through the whole 3 months of mental roller coaster thing again. Or it could just be a few bad days.
